We sat facing each other in a restaurant. She had just finished a cup of ice cream and had ordered for another bottle of some expensive wine whose name I had never heard. I was wailing within, slightly shaking my head at the debt to which this fine lady was putting me. But my countenance looked calm. With a forced smile plastered on my face, I took another gulp from my bottle of Gossy water without saying a word, while she let out a cathartic sigh as the chilled wine coursed down her throat. I could swear I heard her smack her lips, running her tongue over them for a split of a second.
“I don’t take softdrinks. Water is all I take. That’s best for a man’s health, you know,” I had said earlier. It was a lie, but a wise one nevertheless, because I would be the one to foot the bills. Having gone out with a number of chicks, I knew the most respectful way to cut down on my expenses was being parsimonious with what I took. If God helps you and you can give a plausible reason that borders on healthy living for your ostensibly low taste, believe me, your work for that evening- or night, as the case may be- is a pie already.
I cracked a joke, and she burst into peals of laughter. I told her that her presence in my life was like that of the sun, illuminating every corner of my heart, shining from morning till evening and sure to be there the next day. I told her my soul was hinged upon the arc of her lips, for every smile those lips formed was a merry to my soul. My words were making the desired effects on her. Her eyes had become bright and were now riveted on me in ecstasy. I reached across the table and touched the bridge of her nose with my fingertip, cooing it was that nose of hers that I found so magical, so beautiful that it defied what my poetic brains could conjure a description for. She threw her head back and chuckled.
She could not contain her emotions anymore. I had pushed her too far and had fiddled with the strings of her heart long enough. It was just about time I struck when the iron was hottest. I had this mapped out in my head already and could only be grateful things were working out as planned.
“Daniel, this is why I just love you with the whole of my heart. You make me so happy I begin to fear if it would always be like this,” she said amidst smiles.
Jeez, that was the punchline and I didn’t miss it!
“No, it would not always be like this,” I replied, weighing my words. I looked straight into her eyes and spoke in clear language, loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear, “Elizabeth Ngozi, the daughter of Onuoha, as from this very minute, we cease to be lovers. This relationship is over. Thank you for making a part of my history. Bitch!”
Then I stood up, walked up to the counter, paid the bills and sauntered out of the restaurant. She was dumbstruck. Her eyes went wide, and her jaws dropped in bewilderment. People looked at her and shook their heads, some out of pity, others out of disgust.
Gracious goodness, I would never forget that feeling of accomplishment and joy that eclipsed my mind at that moment. Uche would be proud of me in Heaven. Yes, he would. It was the sweetest revenge, a plate of Karma served while sizzling- moreso for the amusement of the public.
Cool breeze caressed my face as I made my way into the street. The stars shone brilliantly in the sky, and the colourful bulbs glistening from several shops gave the night a touch of grandeur. I stopped at a supermarket to buy some flowers and cards. It was five years since the death of Uche, my best friend. I was going to his grave for remembrance. He had died of a depressing heartbreak, and Elizabeth had been the cause. She had called it quits with him because, in her words, she wasn’t born to foolishly wallow in poverty. That Uche had promising prospects was no concern of hers; she wanted ‘ready cakes’.
Five years after Uche’s demise, those ready cakes she wanted then had no taste for her any longer. They needed fresher blood, and she was not getting any younger. A couple of minutes ago, she might have been fantasizing a romantic marriage with me. Foolish lady! Whore! She would understand her sins had found her now.
I waved down a motorcycle and rode to the cemetery. Hundreds of metres behind, a lady was whimpering like a baby. In few minutes time, I would be weeping, too.